The Life of Mrs. Fifty Shades | Chapter 21

The Life of Mrs. Fifty Shades

Chapter Twenty-One

Ana

The moment we were back in Escala, Christian was on edge. There were reporters outside our home. How they figured out we were back in town was a mystery. Christian’s family would never speak to the press, so that wasn’t a possibility.

We got inside and Christian shut all the curtains so we wouldn’t be gawked at like animals inside a zoo. The children didn’t know what was going on, fortunately. Or perhaps they were just used to it.

Christian showered then came back into the living room. The very first thing he did was pick up Phoebe and lay her against his chest as he laid back on the couch. The TV was on and an old rerun played. It wasn’t his type of entertainment, but he didn’t change the channel. Instead, he stared at Phoebe.

Teddy played on the ground with his toys, happy to be back in the same room as his toy chest. Teddy was quiet and introverted, exactly like Christian. He didn’t always need someone to entertain him because he was happy keeping himself busy.

Phoebe, on the other hand, was totally a daddy’s girl.

Christian was quieter than usual as he held Phoebe to his chest like she was a life jacket. When he was most stressed, he relied on the kids to make him feel better. I was always there for him when he needed me, but the children provided something I never could.

I walked to the back of the couch and stared down at them. Christian still had his eyes on her, the little girl on his chest. I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling the coarse strands glide past my fingertips. “You guys look comfy.”

“She’s a good snuggler.”

“How ironic,” I said. “She learned it from me.”

Christian didn’t smile but his eyes lit up.

“We’re having tacos for dinner. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” His large hand rested against Phoebe’s tiny back. She looked so small in comparison, insignificant. Whenever she was old enough to date, I knew Christian would have a very hard time with it.

“Don’t let it bother you.”

He knew what I was talking about without asking for clarification. “You know me, Ana. That’s not possible.”

“It’ll blow over. Every story becomes cold.”

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t take long for the fire to die out.”

***

Christian didn’t go back into the office like I thought he would. He stayed in his home office and worked. Mrs. Jones still looked after the children, so he could lock himself away and take his phone calls without interruption.

I needed to get back to work. I was in the middle of choosing our new manuscripts when things went to hell. I walked to his door to say goodbye. “I’m leaving.”

He turned around in his chair and stared at me. Without saying a word, he told me how much he disagreed with everything.

I side-stepped the argument. “I’ll be home before five. Love you.”

“Ana, I think we should talk about this.”

Damn. “Can it wait until after work?”

“No.”

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, prepared to hear the same speech I’d already heard.

“You know what I’m going to say, Ana. So let’s just skip to the end.”

Now it was my move. And I had to be smart about it. “I admit what happened was terrifying for both of us. But I’m not going to hide in my house for the rest of my life. We’re just as vulnerable here as anywhere else. If the media knows we’re here, then we can’t be that hard to find.”

“Yes. People can figure out where we live. But getting inside the house is another manner. An alarm system is in place, a distress call, and not to mention a hidden room. You’re much safer here than anywhere else.”

I would normally be fired up about this, but Christian had every right to feel this way after what happened. I had to respect his feelings and be sensitive. But I also didn’t want to give up my job. I was passionate about my work and spent my whole life waiting for an opportunity like the one I had now. “I understand where you’re coming from. But the only reason I would consider giving up my job is out of fear, not desire. And that feels innately wrong.”

With his knees resting apart and his hands held together in his lap, he stared at me with a look of pure stoicism. The only way I knew he was upset was because I knew him so well. “Our priority is keeping our family safe. It seems like you don’t agree with that.”

“Christian.” My hands formed into fists because my anger was starting to get to me. “We were both snatched at a charity event in Seattle. Neither one of us were at work. It can happen anywhere. So I’m not quitting my job and that’s final.”

Christian didn’t react. His eyes were just as dull and gray as ever.

“I don’t want to fight. When you were taken away from me, I wasn’t sure if I could go on. It was the scariest two weeks of my life. But don’t expect me to give up the things I love to prevent something that may or may not happen in the future.”

***

The guilt was eating me alive.

I sat at my desk and tried to read through the new batch of manuscripts my chief editor had passed along, but my mind kept trailing back to Christian. He wasn’t trying to control me and his heart was in the right place.

But I still felt terrible for defying him. I walked out of the house without saying goodbye because I was so frustrated. Staying home with the kids wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. In fact, I would love it. But one day, they would be in school and wouldn’t need me as much anymore. And one day, they would be adults and wouldn’t need me at all.

What would I be left with?

I wanted to keep my friends, my hobbies, and my job. I wanted other things in my life that would complete me besides Christian and the children. Christian was passionate about his job and it was a major part of his identity. There was nothing wrong with me being a mother and having the same kind of fulfillment.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I loved that man so much and when I thought I might lose him, I lost my mind. After everything we’d been through, I told him he wouldn’t be getting his way then marched off.

It left a bad taste in my mouth.

“Mrs. Grey.” My assistant stood at my open door. I hadn’t even heard her knock.

“Yes?” I put down the manuscript. I wasn’t reading it anyway.

“Mr. Grey is on the line.”

Oh no. “Thank you.”

After she shut the door and her footsteps faded, I took the call. I held the receiver to my ear and took a deep breath before I spoke. This conversation was bound to be as bad as the one we had this morning. “Christian—”

“I’m sorry.”

I stiffened in my chair because I couldn’t believe the words I just heard.

“I’m sorry I tried to take something away from you. I’m sorry I let my fear for you and the kids dictate my life. I’m sorry I expect things from you without any intention of doing them myself.”

I breathed into the phone, moved by his honest confession.

“I worry. Sometimes, I worry too much. But if something were to happen to you, Teddy, or Phoebe…” He never finished the sentence. The silence was more powerful than the words that could be spoken. “I’m just trying to protect our family.”

“I know, Christian.”

“I want you to do what you want. I want you to be happy. I just wish people would leave us the fuck alone.” His voice turned bitter at the end, angry and hateful.

“I know. But we can’t let them destroy us.”

He didn’t say a word.

“Thank you for calling me.”

“I felt like an asshole for the way we left things. I was taken away from you, and then I quickly made things tense… That’s not what I wanted.”

“I know, Christian.”

“I’m sorry, Ana. Sometimes I can’t digest these things I feel for you. My entire soul is geared toward protecting you. I try to turn it off but I can’t.”

“I understand.”

“I’m glad you love your job. That’s why I bought the company for you to begin with.”

“And I do love it.”

He fell quiet on his side of the line. Minutes passed and he didn’t say anything.

I was relieved our fight was over, but I didn’t know if it would explode again once I came home.

“I’ll let you go, Mrs. Grey.”

“Okay, Mr. Grey.”

Before he hung up he spoke again. “I love you.”

Those three little words weren’t said often. When we got off the phone, we didn’t exchange them. I knew Christian didn’t purposely not say them because he felt otherwise. He just chose not to say them often. He reserved them for times when he truly meant them. If anything, it made them more meaningful. “I love you too.”

***

When I walked in the door, Christian’s family was there. His parents, Elliot and Kate were there. They hadn’t seen Christian since he left for Italy to get me a week ago. I wasn’t surprised they were there.

They greeted me warmly when I entered the living room then they asked about work.

“I’m surprised you’re back at work already,” Grace said.

“I took a lot of time off,” I explained. “I had a lot of stuff to catch up on.”

“Christian didn’t even go to work,” Carrick said. “And that guy is a workaholic.”

Christian crossed the room and gave me a kiss. “Actually, I worked from home today. Ana needed to be in the office.” He always took my side when it came to his family. He showed his loyalty subtly, making me feel represented without insulting his family.

Grace sidestepped the awkward moment. “How about we all go out to dinner? We would love to spend time with you. We’ve been so worried, even after you were rescued.”

“Of course.” He was put on the spot so there wasn’t much more he could say. “Ana and I would love to.”

“Wonderful,” Grace said. “How about that Mediterranean place?”

“Sounds good.” I wanted to spend the evening with Christian and the kids, but I knew I couldn’t be selfish. His family had been through just as much as I had. “I’m starving.”

Christian looked at me with his eyebrow raised, knowing full well that was total bullshit.

***

Teddy had sauce all over his face so I wiped him off with the napkin. Kate had Phoebe in her lap, smitten with her niece. Everyone else continued talking even though the meal was over.

His family didn’t ask about Christian’s captivity or the details of what happened, which I appreciated. I knew Christian didn’t want to talk about it. He barely talked about it with me.

Teddy took another bite and made a mess on his lips.

I was probably supposed to scold him for being so careless, but it was funny. “Take smaller bites, honey.”

He talked with his mouth full. “I’m hungry.”

Everyone at the table chuckled.

“Just try not to make a mess,” I said. “You look so much cuter with a clean face.”

He shrugged and kept eating.

Grace continued talking to Christian. “I was so relieved when Elena figured out where you were. I have no idea what she did or what strings she pulled, but she’s a godsend. I’m indebted to her for the rest of my life.”

Christian didn’t react but his hand tightened around his fork. He continued to stare at his mother like nothing groundbreaking was said.

Mrs. Robinson was the one who found him? I gave Christian a look full of accusation.

He didn’t meet my gaze. To mask the tension, he drank his wine.

Mrs. Robinson was the one who found him and he didn’t bother telling me? I directly asked him how the police found him and he never answered. Like a bottle of shaken soda, I was about to burst. I couldn’t stand that child molester. What she did to Christian was unforgivable.

And hearing Grace praise her just pissed me off even more.

Christian moved his hand to my thigh under the table.

I pushed it off.

He didn’t try it again, knowing I was venomously pissed.

***

I held my tongue until we were home and the kids were put to bed. But it took all my strength to hold my silence and not scream at the top of my lungs. My hatred for that woman had nothing to do with jealousy. Christian had been with other women before me. I accepted that a long time ago.

But that bitch took advantage of him. And she knew better.

When we were in the bedroom, Christian kicked off his shoes and sat at the edge of the bed. He sat there calmly and waited for the bomb to go off. He stared at me with his dull gray eyes, giving nothing away to his silent exterior.

I stood in front of him, both hands on my hips. Now that it was my turn to talk, I had nothing to say. I just glared at him with frustration.

Christian waited, his hands in his lap.

I snapped. “Mrs. Robinson found you? Why didn’t you tell me, Christian?”

He was quiet for so long I didn’t think he would say anything. “When we were reunited, I didn’t think it was the best time to discuss it. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about her. I was only thinking about you.”

Cool and suave, like always. But I was still ticked. “I asked you how the police found you. You never mentioned her.”

“I didn’t answer the question.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Because I knew this would happen.”

“How did she find you? I don’t understand.”

“She and I didn’t have a chance to get into it. I was swept away by the police, and once I was free to go, I got on a plane to get to you. Waiting for an explanation from her wasn’t my priority.”

“I thought you didn’t talk to her anymore.”

“Ana, I don’t.”

“Then what the hell?” Why didn’t this child molester just go away?

“Just because you don’t speak to someone for a long time doesn’t mean you stop being friends. If she were in the same situation, I would do everything possible to find her.  It has nothing to do with love or attraction. It’s friendship, Ana. That’s it.”

That wasn’t good enough for me. “Christian, she’s a—”

“I know what you think of her.” He rose to his feet, his powerful arms falling to his sides. “And I’m not even disagreeing. But we are friends, and friends look out for each other. If anything, aren’t you happy that she figured it out? If she hadn’t, I might have died in there.”

I winced at the suggestion. “Don’t say that.”

“Then don’t be angry with her.”

“Don’t you think it’s strange that she knew where you were? How could this woman, who has no police training whatsoever, just figure it out?”

“I don’t know,” he said coldly. “I haven’t asked her.”

“What if she was in on it?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, brushing off the idea as ludicrous. “Ana, come on.”

“No. I’m being serious. What if her goal was to get rid of me and the kids? But when we got away, she knew her plan didn’t work so she let you go?”

His gray eyes narrowed on my face. “Do you have any idea how you sound right now?”

“Then what other explanation is there?”

He squared his shoulders and stepped closer to me, his eyes peering down into my face. “I’m not going to say this again. I. Haven’t. Spoken. To. Her.”

“Christian, I don’t like this. It’s not adding up.”

He stepped away, his jaw tense and his back rigid. “Ana, you need to drop this forever. Today. Right now.”

“No.” Never.

“Elena and I are friends. Only friends. We haven’t been physically involved for a very long time. I’m married to you. What possible threat could she be?”

“It’s not about her being a threat, Christian.” Why didn’t he understand it? “You were vulnerable, abused, confused, and fifteen years old when she took advantage of you. She broke you and turned you into that dark and cold man you used to be. How could you possibly brush that off like it’s okay? How would you feel if some woman did that to Teddy? To Phoebe.”

The mention of our children just pissed him off even more. “Don’t. Even. Go. There.”

I stepped back, knowing I crossed a line that could never be uncrossed.

“Ana, what happened in the past is forever in the past. I can’t change it and neither can you. I don’t see Elena in the same light you see her. She’s a good friend, and believe it or not, a good person—”

“Who fucks kids and cheats on her husband.”

Christian let the comment slide, but he seemed just as angry. “It’s still preposterous to think she had anything to do with my abduction. Even if she were to remove you from my life, I would never be with her. She knows that. And to take away my kids…” He shook his head. “That sure as hell wouldn’t serve her cause. She would never betray me like that.”

“How do we know what she’s really capable of?” After all, this woman had done things both illegal and morally wrong. “How can you trust this woman so strongly when your own wife is telling you there’s something up?”

“It’s not about trust, Ana. I understand why you’re upset. I never said I didn’t.”

I threw my arms down. “Then why don’t you think she’s a sociopath?”

“Because I get off on hurting women.” He kept his voice low so the kids wouldn’t hear, but he was insanely angry. “I’m not a good person either, Ana. I’m a monster, and I’ve never told you otherwise. So if you’re going to condemn her, you have to condemn me as well.”

“Not the same thing at all.”

“I don’t agree.”

“Your submissives were all adults, not children.”

“Ana, at the edge of fifteen, I knew exactly what I was doing. I had to grow up at a young age. So don’t paint me as some ignorant and stupid kid.”

“You were still vulnerable.” There was nothing he could say to change my opinion about this. That woman deserved to go to prison for what she had done.

Christian stepped away and sat at the edge of the bed again. His jaw was chiseled with anger and his chest rose and fell with warning.

We reached a stalemate in the argument. I wasn’t going to change my mind and neither was he. I leaned against the opposite wall and crossed my arms over my chest.

“What do you want me to do, Ana?” He pressed his palms together and stared at his hands. “What?”

“I want you to consider the idea she was involved.”

He shook his head.

“Christian.”

“I’ll talk to her about that night. But I’m not going to accuse her of this stupid idea.”

“And I want you to never speak to her again.”

He raised his head, looking at me with a terrifying expression. “I already told you I don’t speak to her.”

“But she’s still in your life. I want her out.”

“I can’t make someone stop thinking about me and stop caring about me. Again, you’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous?” I raised my voice because I couldn’t keep it in any longer. “Christian, you’re the most jealous, controlling, and possessive man I’ve met in my life. I went to Arizona to see my mom and you flipped out.”

He quickly looked away like he was ashamed. “That was years ago. I was a different man then.”

“It doesn’t matter. The past is in the past, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

He bowed his head again, staring at the floor. “Ana, we both know this is an argument I can’t win. I can’t get rid of Elena because she’s a huge part of me. I wouldn’t be who I am without her. I wouldn’t own Grey House if it wasn’t for her. Maybe what she did was wrong, but a lot of good came out of it. She gave me freedom. She gave me an outlet to release my frustration. You call it immoral, but it kept me sane. I don’t regret it and never will.”

I was still out of breath from the rage.

“All I can say is, I never loved her. I never felt anything for her beyond physical lust. When things ended, I walked away without looking back. What she and I had was purely physical and friendly. Mrs. Grey, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

“That’s not the problem. I’m not worried about our marriage, fidelity, or love. I’m worried that she’s trying to rip us apart.”

“She’s not—”

“Just be open to the idea.”

He clenched his jaw again.

“Talk to her and get the information from that night. Because I want to know.”

“Why don’t you just come with me? See there’s nothing to be threatened by.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, seeing red already. “Christian, if I’m ever in the same room with that woman, I’ll rip her face off.” Despite how crazy and ugly it made me seem, I didn’t care. That was exactly how I felt and I had no remorse for it. “And then I’ll kill her.”

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